Stress Intervention: Interpersonal
Asserting ourselves means feel free to express us and satisfy our own needs. Try to feel good about this without at the expense of the others. If we do not assert ourselves, we will deny and sacrifice our own needs in order to satisfy someone else's. At the other extreme situation, we will perform aggressively, i.e. to seek to dominate others, and even to satisfy our own needs at the expense of others.
Let's take the following as an illustration:
Jack, a friend of you, invite you to play football with him because he cannot form a football team without your presence. However, you are not interested in it. You want to put more time and effort on your swimming practices. In this situation, what will you do?
| (a) | If you act aggressively, you may turn down his request directly and spoil the quality of your friendship with Jack. The resulted poor relationship may become your stressor. |
| (b) | If you act non-assertively, you may join Jack's football team in the hope of not spoiling your friendship with him. You may give up your own need for scheduling your swimming practices, and at the same time, you do not try to express your own feelings. The unsatisfied personal need and the following distress may become your stressors. |
| (c) | If you act assertively, you may express your own need with explanation, and even suggest another right person for Jack. In this case, you have not harmed the relationship with Jack, and you have avoided the unhappiness caused from missing your swimming practices. Therefore, assertive can reduce the level of stress. It allows you to maintain a good interpersonal relationship, as well as to satisfy your personal needs. |
To express ourselves assertively, both verbal and non-verbal techniques are equally important.
(i)
Verbal assertiveness:
- Describe the situation and person encountered clearly
- Express our feeling
- Identify the respective changes and the following consequences specifically
(ii) Non-verbal assertiveness
- Stand straight and maintain eye contact with the person when speaking
- Speak clearly, fluently, loudly, with assurance and confidence
Communication skills can help people to get along better with family, friends, and co-workers, with the result of being less stress. To improve communication skills, we have to pay attention to both verbal and non-verbal communication.
(i) Verbal communication
| - | Schedule our time and allow sufficient time to have a meaningful talk |
| - | Listen and paraphrase the words of the others, it is a good demonstration of an understanding to the others |
| - | Start our conversation with a mutual agreement, which can make communication better |
| - | Describe our thinking and feeling clearly, do not expect someone can guess our meaning |
| - | Avoid the use of 'I', 'why', or 'but' statements. 'I' statements give a sense of self-centred and ignorance of others. 'Why' questions stress the necessity of giving explanations. "But' statements seems to turn down the words before 'but' and emphasize the words after 'but' |
(ii) Nonverbal communication
Body languages and facial expressions, e.g. a smile, an eye contact, a hug, etc., are good ways to communicate different information, especially when we find it difficult to express our thoughts and feelings verbally.
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Everybody have different background, and different points of view. Therefore, conflicts are likely to happen. However, conflict can become a stressor. If we can resolve conflicts effectively, our interpersonal relationship will be improved. This improvement will result in lesser stress and better health. There are simple procedures to resolve interpersonal conflicts:
| - | Be calm, honest, and co-operative |
| - | Listen and paraphrase the words of the others, it is a good demonstration of an understanding to the others |
| - | Listen to the others, and demonstrate an understanding of the others |
| - | Identify our position, and state our thoughts and feelings clearly |
| - | Explore alternative solutions |
The hypothesis behind social support networking is that "significant others help an individual mobilize his/her psychological resources and master his/her emotional burdens; they share his/her tasks, and they provides him/her with extra supplies of money, materials, tools, skills, and cognitive guidance to improve his/her handling of the situation". (Greenberg, 1999, p106). That means, when we can find somebody (family members, friends or lovers) to let us feel a sense of being loved and accepted, we can feel better, can deal with our stressors, and reduce the negative consequences of stressors.
To develop a social support network, we have to be self-confident and open. Try to take care of the others and develop a sense a commitment. Don't be afraid of the embarrassment and ridicule caused by being rejected. Don't fear that we are unable to be intimate, caring, and loving. If we can develop a successful social support network, it can enhance our ability to face stress.
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(E) Perception Intervention
Everything has a positive side and a negative side. However, we often focus on one side and ignore the other, and thus raising our stress level. Actually, we are free to choose what to think and what to focus. Therefore, we have to learn to think comprehensively and critically. In addition, it is important to be positive. If we have negative thoughts, we need to use thought stopping and to re-organize our thinking in order to reduce the stress level.
Humors can be used in stressful situations because it can moderate stressful atmosphere and reduce the negative consequences resulted from stress.
'Time is life. It is irreversible and irreplaceable. To waste your time is to waste our life, but to master our life can make the most of it' (AlanLaken, 1973). There is twenty-four hours a day, some people often claim that time is not enough while some people often claim that time is too excessive. If we can manage our time properly, don't rush and don't waste time, it can eliminate putting ourselves in stressful situations. The followings are some time management skills:
| (1) | Assessing how we spend time - find out which things require more time to do and which do not, then distribute our time accordingly. |
| (2) | Setting goals - set up long-term and short-term goals in order to create a clear plan for us. Fully utilize every chance to achieve our goals. |
| (3) | Prioritizing - prioritize our goals in terms of their importance, e.g. in a list of |
| A things: must to do | |
| B things: want to do, and need to do | |
| C things: want to do, but we can wait after the completion of A and B things | |
| (4) | Scheduling - after the list of prioritization has been made, schedule them into our daily and monthly timetable. |
| (5) | Say 'No' - to avoid of being overloaded, we have learnt to say 'no' when necessary. |
| (6) | Delegating - if we are short of time, we can get somebody to do the things that needs to be done, but do not need our personal attention. |
| (7) | Limiting Interruptions - try to keep interruptions to a minimum, e.g. phone calls, visitors, etc., and adhere to our schedule as much as we can. |